waiting for a letter

you would think this would get better 

and i'm sorry 

for waiting

for waiting

for wailing

for wishing

it's just when

this wire comes between us

black wire 

like tight rope over fire

a shaky walk

was yesterday the day it was easy?

what happened?

was yesterday our anniversary?

I forget what i'm celebrating! 

i fall

flesh bruises

black and blue on white

i know this bruise is permanent

like a tattoo, or a battle scar.

Sitting at Big Bear

So much on my mind

at least I don't have roaches on my mind as I recently moved out of the roach box and into a beautiful house on Florida and First

I'm so sick of men, I really am, why has every single one been such a disappointment?! (Except one of course, to which the disappointment came in the circumstances themselves, all wrapped up in ribbons and bows)

I never realized how much I relied on noise to keep me company-

without a TV or internet, there are no familiar voices to fill that thick fall-evening silence,

i need friends, so many friends to be here, men, women, eyes, hands, 

what made regina go to that protest just to rub up against strangers?

busy busy, books and dreams

i have to close me eyes or lose my thoughts in other people's for a moment.

VCB-2

I saw it again,

and just like last time, it made me crave red wine

and conversation about life

and love

and so we did

a back and forth

about fear

about living life for you or for others

about depth, about surface

interactions

pleasant mounts and morgans

should I get a cat for these roaches?

should I go to law school?

should I buy that second amstel light?

should I be so scared of graduating?

should I still be missing you?

should I go back to san francisco?

should I ignore your phone calls?

should I shower now or later?

should I eat these egg-less pancakes?

should I care that you didn't say good night?

should I buy single or double ply?

should I know what i want by now?