Twilight

Twilight

Like a drug, i open my veins and invite you in.
We can know each other,
Get high on one another,
But when you start to fade,
To change colors-
Yellows to red to a darker shade of blue,
I travel the untraveled, transient winds
To find.
To lose.
Last night I found fears I never knew I had
I dreamt the cells in my body were multiplying by the millions.
That same day,
Alkylating, anti-neoplastic agents were pumping through the veins i opened up for you,
and the ones before you.
And i was left helpless
in my hospital bed
knowing that
My weakness-
was a product of selfish blindness
of the choice I made between
gold and coal.
i watched my hand reach out to all things that glittered.
but as the saying goes...
your golden entrance, upstaged you silver-plated exit!
And if I could reach out and touch you, feel you in the flesh
I would choose the fantasy.
The over-the-moon,
man-on-the-moon fantasy that rears it's head during twilight.
Those fleeting moments
Between day and night
that slip through my hands
like quicksand.
I do what I please in those moments.
Consequences fall to the gutter as they themselves question their place in this 24 hour, bookended experience.
Products of day or night?
I ask myself the same,
Fearless in the face of misguided deed.