in my last two weeks in dc
ive been calling everyone i know
just to request a face to face
maybe an hour of talking...
sometimes im afraid that i talk only for my own sake, for gaining some kind of validation
because im scared mostly, of my bold decisions
not that im all that bold
it's relative really.
i can call myself a coward but then the part of me that doesn't believe that is called to the front of my brain to defend the rest of me, and here i am, perpetuating the stamp of approval to which i've grown addicted...
i was talking to miriam, a friend of a friend
and i was telling her that i don't know exactly why im going to spain
she asked me to hold the line while she searched for a quote she recently came across that fit my situation-
something like 'something calls you, a creative request for your presence, and you follow it, blindly perhaps. and a while later you can appreciate your decision, but only a longer while after that can you really understand why you were pulled in that direction to begin with.' and that's true for so many things.